Brad and Angelina watch golden child Shiloh fly for the first time

Brangelina: "Please take our baby!"

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have sent out an urgent black-market plea to sell their newborn baby.

"The thing is," said Angelina, "I really set out from the start to create a rainbow family, you know, a family with kids from all around the world."

"But as the song quite clearly states, a rainbow comprises 'red and yellow and pink and green, orange and purple and blue.' There is absolutely no mention of white and as a woman of my word, I'm afraid the kid has gotta go."

Bidding for the child is expected to fetch into the millions. However in their grand tradition, the Jolie-Pitts will be donating all proceeds from Shiloh's sale to charity.

For more details visit www.sellshiloh.com

defamer.com readers pissed over timing of Shiloh Nouvel birth

LOS ANGELES TIMES - In another exclusive, It's All Lies can reveal that defamer.com readers have been incredibly pissed off over the timing of the Branjelina baby.

Happening inconsiderately in Africa at what would have been late Friday night LA time, defamer.com readers have had to go two full days without any "news" regarding Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's baby Shiloh Nouvel.

"I can't believe it. I trust defamer.com to have all the gossip first. But here I am two days later and the most recent posting is about David Hasslehoff... which isn't all bad I suppose. I might have to read the New York Times or go to the BBC web site to get some information and that just doesn't make sense."

The editor of defamer.com, Mark Lisanti was not available for comment. If he had been, he would have written something in defamer.com by now.

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Angelina Jolie gives birth to baby girl in Africa while filming in Finland

LOS ANGELES TIMES - In what was arguably the most anticipated delivery in the world since the birth of Jesus (or Geri Halliwell's daughter Bluebell Madonna), Angelina Jolie gave birth to Brad Pitt's daughter Saturday in Africa, Pitt’s publicist announced.

Jolie's publicist has denied the reports but that's only because she's still denying that Jolie is pregnant or attached to Brad Pitt in any way, shape or form.

"The night of May 27, 2006 in Namibia, Africa, Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt welcomed their daughter Shiloh Nouvel Jolie-Pitt. No further information is being given," Pitt Publicist Cindy Guagenti said in a statement.

Further details are also shaky as to what was meant by the phrase "welcomed". Did the baby pop up to be greeted by a firm handshake? Did representatives from the United Nations greet the infant in the 49 commonly agreed languages?

Or did they just give her a quick kiss and send her off to the nanny looking after the recently arrived children of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale, Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck or Geri Halliwell and some guy who should have known better?

Jolie-Pitt baby girl angers celebrity community

LOS ANGELES TIMES - Gwen Stefani, Geri Halliwell, Jennifer Garner, Ben Affleck, Fred Savage, Melissa Joan Hart, Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes, Gwenyth Paltrow, Rachel Weisz and Britney Spears. These are just some of the people reeling from the news that their column inches in the celebrity rags and E-News puff-pieces are being eaten up by the news of Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt's baby girl, Shiloh Nouvel Jolie-Pitt.

"It really is indecent," quoted an unnamed Scientologist, "Do Brad and Pitt have a film coming out at the moment? No. Does my client, I mean Tom, I mean the Number 1 Hollywood star in the world have a movie out now? I'm not talking about Tom Hanks. I know he has a movie out. I'm talking about Tom Cruise. He's got a film out. Yes. We went to a lot of effort to get Katie to pretend to carry a baby for nine months. And for what? We still haven't made back the contribution to the Scientology founders to allow Tom to go up to the next level yet, let alone production costs for the film. Inconsiderate."

Britney Spears had this to say via her publicist, "What? What? You put Geri Halliwell in the same list of A celebrities as me and Melissa Joan Hart? Are you f#$king mad? Look at my baby. Look at me. WE ARE BEAUTIFUL. F%CK, I dropped it again."

We did want to talk to the other worthy celebrities, but unfortunately we ran out of column inches in the desire to carry this picture of Angelina and Brad with the rest of the kids in Africa. Aren't they cute? (And doesn't the image have just a touch of Da Vinci's The Last Supper about it? Or is that just me?)