Jackson eyes $400m comeback plan... packaged around 12 year old boy

BBC - Michael Jackson could earn more than $400m (£283m) from a comeback deal involving new music and movies as well as concerts, his promoter has revealed.

The pop superstar has announced 10 gigs at the O2 arena in London this summer, approximately two years after the world had collective amnesia over his inability to have appropriate relationships with prepubescent children.

Randy Phillips, head of AEG Live, which is staging the gigs, said they had a wider deal that could cover a world tour and a 3D film based on Thriller.

"When you factor in the number of people worldwide who give a rats arse about 3D films and "Thriller" you're looking at at least £12."

He also said: "We're talking to him about helping him figure a new plan for the release of singles, new music. We're talking to new producers to shape the music and we're looking for a new 9 year old muse Michael likes the shape of."

Obama still waiting until January when he takes office and changes he world

Obama waits until January when he can actually do something

Obama picks McCain to lead his Ministry of Youth

NEW YORK TIMES - Senator Obama last night dropped a bombshell by announcing former presidential candidate and opponent Senator John McCain would spearhead his Ministry of Youth.

The move was seen by many as a gesture to the man he has spent the last five months of his life sparing. 

"You've also got to think of this as a symbolic gesture towards creating a bipartisan group of advisers," said one Obama aide. "The fact that Senator McCain is being put into a position where he has no experience in the last 57 years of his life is not a reason to think he has been set up to fail."

Senator McCain has signalled he will accept the post and has already given an indication of possible policy directions by once again recounting his time as a prisoner of war in Vietnam.  

Obama takes a dump - Woo hoo

Obama starts picking his team

Obama wins landslide

LOS ANGELES TIMES - After a "long drawn out campaign" of exactly the same length as the last five US Presidential Elections, Senator Barack Obama became the 44th President of the United States.

In a competition in which he required only 270 electoral votes to clinch victory, Obama won a landslide with over 360 Electoral votes secured at time of going to press.

He will now be reported upon endlessly by the breathless media until his first attempt to walk on water fails or we reach the end of the year to find that world poverty has not been eliminated. Or that it has been two months and he still hasn't actually taken office yet and the world has already moved on.

Such high hopes for someone that really, when you think about, only has to string an entire sentence together using words of more than one syllable or make one decision for the greater good to do better than his predecessor George W Bush.

I can't think of anything funny to add but I needed to write something so that I can do a running gag over the next week. I did think about some reference to winning on a landslide that in turned wiped out a small village of republican senators and Mexicans, but I don't think it would have been worth it.