It's Official! Most US voters believe Barack Obama...

... is slightly more black than Senator McCain.

The surprise revelation came after a full year of studies undertaken by the Democratic think-tank Slight-Left-Of-Centre-But-Not-So-Much-That-American-Voters-Will-Think-We-Are-Communists-Who-Steal-Children-And-Raise-Taxes.

The results on the question "Who is more black - Barack Obama or John McCain?"went 53% to Senator Obama and 47% to Senator McCain, proving conclusively that although there must be some intelligent Americans, when considered as a whole they tend to adopt a herd mentality.

A special mention must be given to the group who decided the question had to be surveyed. Congratulations! 

Bet Obama wishes he picked Hillary now

Makes you wonder what kind of difference it would have made if Barack Obama had chosen Hillary?

After all the agonising they end up picking some bland old guy as the VP nominee. Of course, they couldn't pick Hillary because... well... what was the reason again?

Instead he picks an old guy called Biden so that the democrat card goes from a man who surname sounds a bit like a terrorist to a team that sounds just a bit more like him. Did anyone in the Democrats crack campaign marketing team sit down and put the names of their two candidates together and realise they had to promote the "Obama Biden" team. Why not just say "Vote Terrorists" 

So suddenly, there's the oportunity for the Republicans to pick someone that 50% of the population outside of New York and Los Angeles will vote for. And they do it. Who's the main candidate again? Something about frozen chips. Oh yes, that's it McCain. He'll make a good running mate to Sarah Palin if he lives until November.

If the U.S was still relevant to the rest of the world I'd be a bit more concerned.

Airforce One first aircraft denied access to U.S air space

GUARDIAN - The US administration has forced 27 governments of the European Union to sign up for a range of new security measures for transatlantic travel, including allowing armed guards on all flights from Europe to America by US airlines.

It also enforces a range of measures allowing U.S Air Control to deny access to any suspicious aircraft.

Unfortunately, the first flight to be declined entry was Airforce One, as the President and his entourage were in Cuba we ferrying cocaine and hookers back to the U.S. at the time.

"Yes, you could say it is a little embarassing to have the President's private jumbo turned around due laws introduced by Bush. You could even say it was ironic, I suppose, but hell, everyone's too busy watching Hillary and Barack fight it out to give two hoots about the current President."

Clinton unleashes Orb of Destruction on Obama

NEW YORK TIMES - Following today's inconclusive "Super Tuesday", Senator Clinton unleashed an "Orb of Destruction" on rival democrat, Senator Obama.

The orb (pictured), was released from the index finger of Senator Clinton's right hand. The index finger on her left hand (not pictured) remained planted firmly up her husband's butt, just in case he decided to say something stupid again before polling closed.

Although smiling as she unleashed the orb, sources deny she also said, "and your little dog too", a reference to a character from "The Wizard of Oz".

President Bush backs Obama, Obama campaign now "doomed"

AGENCE FRANCE-PRESSE - President George Bush, rejecting entreaties from the Obama camp, is set to endorse Senator Barack Obama’s presidential bid on Monday as part of an effort to lend Bush credibility and charisma before the 22-state Feb. 5 showdown for the Democratic nomination.

The endorsement follows a similar endorsement by the Kennedy clan for Barack Obama's nomination.

"We'd been fearing this would happen," said one Obama campaign strategist. "All the republicans have refused to accept any support from Bush, so it was only a matter of time before he swung his support behind our campaign."

The endorsement, which followed a public appeal on Mr. Obama’s behalf by Caroline Kennedy, the daughter of President John F. Kennedy, was a blow to the Obama campaign.

Mr Bush intends to campaign aggressively for Mr. Obama, beginning with an appearance and rally with him in Washington on Monday.

"I think these times are important, "said President Bush, "and in important times it is important to know where you stand and when I'm standing somewhere I know that it's important to back Barack Obama where he stands. And that's important."

The endorsement ios a big boost to the Clinton campaigns, as well as Republican candidates who have refused to accept any calls from Washington since the primary race began.

"It was a mistake on our part," said the Obama spokesperson, "we thought we were getting a call to say, 'Come on in - you might as well have the presidency now' but he double bluffed us. Though I'm not sure if he realised what he was doing or who he was talking to. The point is he's committed to it now and Obama's too pilote to tell Bush to f%^k off, so here we are."

Obama goes Barack to the drawing board

LOS ANGELES TIMES - After being defeated by Senator Clinton for a successive time in the Nevada Primary, Senator Obama has had to go "barack to the drawing board" for the rest of his campaign.

Umm, that's it. I just wanted to use the story headline somewhere. Nothing else to report really.

Obama and Clinton to settle presidential candidacy with paper-scissors-rock

Democratic presidential hopefuls Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton and Senator Barack Obama have decided to fight it out with a best of five game of paper-scissors-rock.

The move came about when the two candidates met on the campaign trail after the New Hampshire primary went to Senator Clinton. In the conversation, they agreed that they were the two main candidates and since they were at one win a piece, the rest of the contest would be too close to call.

"I turned to Hillary and I said, 'Hillary, let's give all the money we are using on the campaign for good." said Senator Obama. "Help feed the homeless, inject it into public hospitals or maybe even finally give some money to the people of New Orleans to start rebuilding two years after Hurricane Katrina.' Hillary looked at me and said, 'Hell yeah', which for Hillary is pretty freaking weird on many levels."

That night both camps disbanded their campaign teams and distributed their campaign war chests to a number of unspecified charities.

"We figure the amount of money we spend on campaigns is more than any of these charities receive during the course of the year from the US government."said Senator Clinton. "In this way, we are able to contribute to our country in a way we probably won't be able to do when one of us is elected."

The live broadcast of the best of five paper-scissors-rock will be broadcast live on CBS, straight after Two and a Half Men.