Roy Schneider dies - surprisingly, it wasn't a shark

DEFAMER - As the world mourned the loss of actor Roy Schneider, Hollywood honoured his loss in the only way it knows how - swapping out the CSI franchise for episodes of Hill Street Blues and running Jaws marathons.

"Think of it as our way of honouring him," said one Fox representative, "just don't think of it as cashing in. If we were going to cash in on it, we would have kept his death secret long enough for us to finish getting through all the Heath Ledger stuff. Batman hasn't even been released yet so we can't afford for people to forget Heath, even if Roy died of a shark bite."

Reports suggest that Mr Scheider, 75, died of cancer, not of a shark attack.

"I think you have to check your sources," said a rep for Stephen Speilberg's company Dreamworks, "because cancer is a kind of shark that bites away at you with it's teeth, and, well okay, that's all I've got. Want a Jaws III doll?"

Heath Ledger anagrams give clues to death

Spooky anagrams for the name "Heath Ledger". Particularly number 8.

1. Death Hedger


2. Hedge Dearth


3. Deed Hat Hedge


4. Held the Gear


5. Hedged Reath


6. He let her da


7. He Held Great


8. The Olsen Twins Did It


9. Rate He Leed

Oscar winners leaked - Heath Ledger to receive award

LOS ANGELES TIMES - In a year where the the movie industry has been rocked by the Writers Guild Strike, The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences now has its one surprise - the Oscar winners - listed on an internet web site.

The winners contain some surprises, with the recent death of Heath Ledger playing some part in the voting by the Academy's members.

The winners are highlighted in the list below.

Best motion picture of the year:

“Atonement” (Focus Features) – a Working Title Production
Tim Bevan, Eric Fellner and Paul Webster, Producers
“Juno” (Fox Searchlight) - a Dancing Elk Pictures, LLC Production
Lianne Halfon, Mason Novick and Russell Smith, Producers
“Michael Clayton” (Warner Bros.) - a Clayton Productions, LLC Production
Sydney Pollack, Jennifer Fox and Kerry Orent, Producers
“No Country for Old Men” (Miramax and Paramount Vantage) - a Scott Rudin/Mike Zoss Production
Scott Rudin, Ethan Coen and Joel Coen, Producers
“There Will Be Blood” (Paramount Vantage and Miramax) - a JoAnne Sellar/Ghoulardi Film Company Production
JoAnne Sellar, Paul Thomas Anderson and Daniel Lupi, Producers
Winner : Heath Ledger

Achievement in directing:
Julian Schnabel - “The Diving Bell and the Butterfly”
Jason Reitman - “Juno”
Tony Gilroy - “Michael Clayton”
Joel Coen and Ethan Coen - “No Country for Old Men”
Paul Thomas Anderson - “There Will Be Blood”
Winner - Heath Ledger

Actor in a leading role:
George Clooney in “Michael Clayton” (Warner Bros)
Daniel Day-Lewis in “There Will Be Blood” (Paramount Vantage and Miramax)
Johnny Depp in “Sweeney Todd The Demon Barber of Fleet Street”(DreamWorks and Warner Bros)
Tommy Lee Jones in “In the Valley of Elah” (Warner Independent)
Viggo Mortensen in “Eastern Promises” (Focus Features)
Winner : Heath Ledger

Actress in a leading role:
Cate Blanchett in “Elizabeth: The Golden Age” (Universal)
Julie Christie in “Away from Her” (Lionsgate)
Marion Cotillard in “La Vie en Rose” (Picturehouse)
Laura Linney in “The Savages” (Fox Searchlight)
Ellen Page in “Juno” (Fox Searchlight)
Winner : Heath Ledger

Actor in a supporting role:
Casey Affleck in “The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford” (Warner Bros.)
Javier Bardem in “No Country for Old Men” (Miramax and Paramount Vantage)
Philip Seymour Hoffman in “Charlie Wilson’s War” (Universal)
Hal Holbrook in “Into the Wild” (Paramount Vantage and River Road Entertainment)
Tom Wilkinson in “Michael Clayton” (Warner Bros.)
Winner : Heath Ledger

Actress in a supporting role:
Cate Blanchett in “I’m Not There” (The Weinstein Company)
Ruby Dee in “American Gangster” (Universal)
Saoirse Ronan in “Atonement” (Focus Features)
Amy Ryan in “Gone Baby Gone” (Miramax)
Tilda Swinton in “Michael Clayton” (Warner Bros.)
Winner : Heath Ledger

Best animated feature film:
“Persepolis” (Sony Pictures Classics) - Marjane Satrapi and Vincent Paronnaud
“Ratatouille” (Walt Disney) - Brad Bird
“Surf’s Up” (Sony Pictures Releasing) - Ash Brannon and Chris Buck
Winner : Heath Ledger

Achievement in cinematography:
“The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford” - Roger Deakins
“Atonement” - Jacqueline Durran
“Elizabeth: The Golden Age” - Alexandra Byrne
“La Vie en Rose” - Marit Allen
“Sweeney Todd The Demon Barber of Fleet Street” - Colleen Atwood
Winner : Heath Ledger

Best Original Screenplay:
“Juno” - Diablo Cody
“Lars and the Real Girl” - Nancy Oliver
“Michael Clayton” - Tony Gilroy
“Ratatouille” - Jan Pinkava, Jim Capobianco, Brad Bird
“The Savages” - Tamara Jenkins
Winner : Heath Ledger

Achievement in art direction:
“American Gangster” (Universal) - Art Direction: Arthur Max; Set Decoration: Beth A. Rubino
“Atonement” (Focus Features) - Art Direction: Sarah Greenwood; Set Decoration: Katie Spencer
“The Golden Compass” (New Line & Ingenious Film Partners) - Art Direction: Dennis Gassner; Set Decoration: Anna Pinnock
“Sweeney Todd The Demon Barber of Fleet Street” (DreamWorks and Warner Bros) - Art Direction: Dante Ferretti; Set Decoration: Francesca Lo Schiavo
“There Will Be Blood” (Paramount Vantage and Miramax) - Art Direction: Jack Fisk; Set Decoration: Jim Erickson
Winner : Heath Ledger

Best Documentary Feature:
“No End in Sight” (Magnolia Pictures)
“Operation Homecoming: Writing the Wartime Experience” (The Documentary Group)
“Sicko” (Lionsgate and The Weinstein Company)
“Taxi to the Dark Side” (Think Film)
“War/Dance” (Think Film)
Winner : Heath Ledger

Best foreign language film:
“Beaufort” a Metro Communications, Movie Plus Production - Israel
“The Counterfeiters” An Aichholzer Filmproduktion, Magnolia Filmproduktion Production - Austria
“Katy?” An Akson Studio Production - Poland
“Mongol” A Eurasia Film Production - Kazakhstan
“12” A Three T Production - Russia
Winner : Heath Ledger

Heath Ledger death investigation breakthrough

THE AUSTRALIAN - John Olsen OA, Australian Consul-General in Los Angeles, creator of the G'day USA campaign and father of the Olsen twins, was today accused of going 'one step to far' when it was revealed he was behind the death of Heath Ledger.

The G'day USA campaign was started by John Olsen five years ago to raise the profile of Australia overseas. Although the last four years had been successful with high profile events run over a fortnight in January, there was immense pressure on Mr Olsen to pick up the momentum.

It was this need for momentum that led to the organisation arranging the death of Australian actor Heath Ledger as a focus point for the G'day USA week in Los Angeles.

"We've had a lot of big names involved in the past - Nicole Kidman, Russell Crowe, Hugo Weaving, Baz Luhrmann, Kylie Minogue, " said a G'day USA campaign spokesperson, "but we really needed something that would never be forgotten."

Discussions within the organisation identified the longevity of dead starts Marilyn Monroe, James Dean and Elvis Presley.

"When we saw how well Australia Zoo were doing after Steve Irwin's 'accident', we thought that could be the angle to really push."

It was this need to publicise the organisation that led to the discovery by Federal Bureau of Investigations Famous Person Suicide Investigations Team.

"After the unfortunate death of Heath Ledger", said a FBI spokesperson who preferred to remain suited and wearing glasses, "there was a spike in googling of his name. One of our agents noticed that alongside the google results there were ads for G'day USA that gave us the clue we were looking for to hone in on the activities of that organisation.

"Soon enough, by going undercover as Stephen Spielberg wanting to produce a movie in Australia, we were able to discovered the link between John Olsen and Heath Ledger's death in the New York apartment owned by one of Mr Olsen's twin daughters Mary-Kate and Ashley."

G'Day USA has closed while John Olsen, his twin daughters and company associates are due to appear in New York Criminal Courts at 11.15 EST pleading guilty to a series of yet to be determined charges.

Church of Scientology denies involvement in Heath Ledger death

NEW YORK TIMES - Church of Scientology head David Miscavige released a statement earlier today denying any involvement by the Church of Scientology in the death of Australian actor Heath Ledger.

"I think it is important for people to know that the Church of Scientology had nothing to do with the death of Heath Ledger," said Church of Scientology Head Idiot David Miscavige, "and I hope people recognise that means we are not evil."

The statement came in spite of a complete lack of interest in the church or any suspicions that the Church of Scientology were involved in any way in the death of Heath Ledger.

"Just because we have a track record of locking people in hotel rooms and finding them dead, does not mean we were involved in this particular case. Might I also add that when we do it with drug addicts and mental patients that we have 'freed' from institutions we make sure we don't leave any drugs in the room. As Tom Cruise said on that video, 'We are the authorities'."

Mr Miscavige continued, "Not wanting to rub it in for you non believers, but you wouldn't see Tom Cruise kill himself 'accidentally' in a hotel room. No. He's a Scientologist. Heath wasn't. So if you don't want to die of an accidental drug overdose, maybe you should think about becoming a Scientologist."

"Oh, also, before you think this is a crass ploy to keep Scientology in the headlines while distracting people from 'that' video of Tom Cruise, let me just say that I'm not just mentioning the name Heath Ledger to ensure we come up on more google searches. Believe me. I don't want that. Heath Ledger would not have wanted that. Heath Ledger, Heath Ledger, Heath Ledger. No. Heath Ledger would not have wanted his name, Heath Ledger, to be used in such a manner. And we won't do that. Not to Heath Ledger."

The Bulletin axed - world too busy googling "Heath Ledger" to notice

THE AUSTRALIAN - AUSTRALIA'S oldest news magazine, The Bulletin, has been closed after more than a century of publishing. ACP announced the closure of the magazine, launched in 1880, this morning, saying it had become unsustainable with sales of just 57,000.

In comparison, over 400 million google searches on "Heath Ledger" were submitted in the last 48 hours.

If they'd waited one more day, The Bulletin could have run with heath Ledge on the cover and made enough to keep running for another year. At least