Pod sinks begging market - new markets emerge

LONDON (THE TIMES) Beggars and vagrants have expressed their concern that the iPod is killing off their traditional approaches to making money.

Since the introduction of the first iPod on October 23rd, 2001, those seeking funds through a personal solicitation in public have fell on deaf ears.

"Everyone's listening to one. On the tube, walking down the street. How are we meant to make a personal plea to people when all they can hear is Kylie singing 'Nah nah nah. Nah nah nah nah nah'? I could be saying 'I have a bomb' and they wouldn't know."

Statistics gathered in major cities backs up the anecdotal evidence. From New York to London, Sydney to Los Angeles, begging has been replaced with harder crime.

"We're seeing a trend here away from aural techniques. People with an iPod only hear their music, so beggars resort to visual means. First it was signs like 'No Money. No Home. Please Help' but since most middle class white collar workers feel that is 'contrived', beggars started moving to visual cues that anybody can recognise - knives, guns, syringes and fists."

As a result, beggars are now spending less time on the street and getting more income at the same time. Most people support this change -at least, all those that hadn't been robbed at the time of the survey.

"Now, instead of walking up and down the train pleading 'Excuse me people I don't want to take up any of your time..', I simply go up to someone in the street, point my blood filled syringe at them and tell them to give me everything they have. And you know what the real plus is? Now I've got an iPod Nano so I don't have to listen to them blubbering as they hand over all their money. I'm still homeless so finding somewhere to plug in the charger is still a bitch."

Steve Jobs was unavailable for comment, however, a spokesperson for Apple stated,

"I'm glad we are able to do something positive for the community by moving the beggars onto more positive, profitable and organised activities. Maybe soon they'll be working for Microsoft."

The police spokeman for London mayor Ken Livingston could only manage, "Nah nah nah. Nah nah nah nah nah. Oh, excuse me, I was on an, um, call. What was the question?"

Statistics are still unavailable on the impact of the iPod Video. Those affected feel the new statistics will only reveal further good news.