SPAG spokesperson P.R. Diddleysquat says that spilling tears on a screenplay should be met with 'outrage' and called for Russell to offer a public apology.
"These poor screenplays, as if it's not enough that they never even get credit for their part in the filmmaking process, twats like Russell Crowe come and spill plops of salty fluid on them, streaking their words into fudged bits of smudgy-smoo without so much as an 'excuse me,'" said Diddleysquat.
"Mr Crowe's telephone-throwing antics were one thing, but this....this defies description. I think it marks a significant turning point for him - the hero's journey may be coming to a close for him, and I for one, cannot wait for the climax."
Mr Crowe defended his actions, saying that he did offer a tissue to the screenplay, but took the screenplay's lack of response as an indication that it was okay.
"I think it should just shut the hell up and be a man. Grunt," he said.
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