Obama still waiting until January when he takes office and changes he world

Obama waits until January when he can actually do something

Obama picks McCain to lead his Ministry of Youth

NEW YORK TIMES - Senator Obama last night dropped a bombshell by announcing former presidential candidate and opponent Senator John McCain would spearhead his Ministry of Youth.

The move was seen by many as a gesture to the man he has spent the last five months of his life sparing. 

"You've also got to think of this as a symbolic gesture towards creating a bipartisan group of advisers," said one Obama aide. "The fact that Senator McCain is being put into a position where he has no experience in the last 57 years of his life is not a reason to think he has been set up to fail."

Senator McCain has signalled he will accept the post and has already given an indication of possible policy directions by once again recounting his time as a prisoner of war in Vietnam.  

Obama takes a dump - Woo hoo

Obama starts picking his team

Obama wins landslide

LOS ANGELES TIMES - After a "long drawn out campaign" of exactly the same length as the last five US Presidential Elections, Senator Barack Obama became the 44th President of the United States.

In a competition in which he required only 270 electoral votes to clinch victory, Obama won a landslide with over 360 Electoral votes secured at time of going to press.

He will now be reported upon endlessly by the breathless media until his first attempt to walk on water fails or we reach the end of the year to find that world poverty has not been eliminated. Or that it has been two months and he still hasn't actually taken office yet and the world has already moved on.

Such high hopes for someone that really, when you think about, only has to string an entire sentence together using words of more than one syllable or make one decision for the greater good to do better than his predecessor George W Bush.

I can't think of anything funny to add but I needed to write something so that I can do a running gag over the next week. I did think about some reference to winning on a landslide that in turned wiped out a small village of republican senators and Mexicans, but I don't think it would have been worth it.

 

Binge drinking rife among AFL players

IT'S ALL LIES - In the final of our triptych of stupid surveys for the post Halloween weekend, The Herald Sun has just revealed that AFL players are binge-drinking at up to six times the rate of other young Australian men.

The anonymous survey of 582 AFL players has uncovered "extremely high" rates of "risky drinking" among the elite of Aussie rules.

"I think this survey sends an important message," said Peter Jackson, head of the AFL Players' Association," that as a whole, Australian men have really dropped the ball when it comes to drinking heavily. After all, that is what this proud country is known for.

"We can't just leave it to our elite sportsman to carry the weight of our binge drinking reputation. I urge all other Australian men to pick up their game and get up to the 86 standard drinks average per fortnight being maintained by AFL's finest and most sloshed."

It's Official! Most US voters believe Barack Obama...

... is slightly more black than Senator McCain.

The surprise revelation came after a full year of studies undertaken by the Democratic think-tank Slight-Left-Of-Centre-But-Not-So-Much-That-American-Voters-Will-Think-We-Are-Communists-Who-Steal-Children-And-Raise-Taxes.

The results on the question "Who is more black - Barack Obama or John McCain?"went 53% to Senator Obama and 47% to Senator McCain, proving conclusively that although there must be some intelligent Americans, when considered as a whole they tend to adopt a herd mentality.

A special mention must be given to the group who decided the question had to be surveyed. Congratulations! 

"Heat" magazine more trusted than "The Times"

GUARDIAN - In a secret study leaked today it has been revealed that more people trust "Heat" as a source of information than "The Times".

The survey, undertaken by YouGov, was originally commissioned by The Times in April 2007 as a major plank of their recent rebranding for the Sunday Times. Unfortunately the study proved the opposite to their assumptions and was quickly shelved. With the leaking of the study, The Times is having to quickly reconsider their positioning and has gone into damage control.

Among a range of questions, over 4,604 respondents were asked what publication they most read as a source of information relevant to them. They were then asked whether they trusted the information. 96% of Heat readers trusted the information in the publication compared to 56% in The Times.

The study also revealed that Heat readers felt there wasn't quite enough information about Amy Winehouse and Kerry Katona (47%) compared to readers of The Times feeling there were too much information on the unrelated celebrity couple.

Which just goes to show that if you want to read more celebrity gossip that you can't trust, you should read The Times.   

Baz Luhrmann's first interview on completed "Australia"

SYDNEY - THE most expensive Australian film ever made is due out in weeks - and as of today it's finally finished.

The longest shoot in 20th Century Fox’s formidable history of movie-making. The most expensive Australian film ever made. Featuring some of the highest paid Australian actors ever - Nicole Kidman and Hugh Jackman.

With an estimated budget of $130 million and rising, if Australia runs close to the 170 minutes that has been reported in the media, Luhrmann’s production company Bazmark will have spent roughly three-quarters of a million dollars of other people’s money for every minute of screen time.

So, how does Baz feel that he has actually finished and has the film in the can? Waylon Smithers of It's All Lies had an exclusive phone interview with Baz Luhrmann earlier today.

IAL : Hello Baz. Thanks for taking the time to talk to us.

BAZ: Always a pleasure.

IAL : Have we spoken before?

BAZ : It's an expression.

IAL : Oh. Now there have been rumours that the production of Australia had gotten out of contorl and was never going to be finished. How do you feel to finally have it in the can?

BAZ : Umm, what?

IAL : How does it feel to have the film finished and ready to be shown in the cinemas?

BAZ : Who told you that?

IAL : You did?

BAZ : I did?

IAL : Yes, you did.

BAZ : I did?

IAL : Yes.

BAZ : Really?

IAL : Yes.

BAZ : When did I say that?

IAL : When we arranged the interview last night at that NIDA function launching Alex Broun's web site. I was the guy standing next to Peter Garrett.

BAZ : Was that before or after I told you that the Heath Ledger scenes in the film were incredible.

IAL : About the same time, I recall.

BAZ : Oh.

IAL : What's that?

BAZ : You do realise that Heath Ledger was never in the film.

IAL : No.

BAZ : So maybe I was not quite telling the truth about the film

IAL blank stare down the phone

BAZ : Telling a porkie pie. Pulling your pud'. Etal etal.

IAL : So Australia isn't finished?

BAZ : No.

IAL : Why?

BAZ : I'm too busy giving exclusive interviews about the fact it isn't finished to prats like you and Christine Jackman at The Australian to spend time on the film.

IAL : The Australian?

BAZ : Yes.

IAL : Was that the Saturday edition?

BAZ : Yes. They had a story about Howard making three of the biggest decisions of his term as Prime Minister without any cabinet involvement.

IAL : And the Ruth Ostrow article about finding strength in your flaws?

BAZ : Yes.

IAL : There was a lot of truth in what she said.

BAZ : I meant to read it, but I haven't had time.

IAL : What's been keeping you busy?

Line goes dead

IAL : Baz?

End